Diary of a Police Wife

Want to know what it's like to be a police wife during these times right now?

It's sitting on the sofa staring at the door handle, the firearm on the end table waiting to see if somebody's going to come in.

It's flinching and being startled at every noise you hear that doesn't sound familiar. 

It's looking out the window every time a light goes by your house late at night. 

It's pulling all the curtains down in your home that used to stay up so you could see the outside - now they're closed so people can't see in.

It's seeing names on Facebook change so people can't find you.

It's saying goodbye to who you thought were friends.

It's giving an extra hug and a kiss to our children before we go to bed or before our Officers walk out the door.

It's staying up with the phone beside us waiting for our Officers to get home.

It's checking the doors 2 to 3 times to make sure everything is locked - making sure the alarm is on. 

It’s peeking our head out the curtains before we go to bed to make sure there’s no strange cars and people in front of our  home.

Its taking the thin blue line  flag down off our porches.

Its taking our stickers off our cars and having a debate about whether or not to change our Heroes Live Forever license plates.

It’s going out to the park to take a photo shoot for your Officer and carrying that thin blue line flag in your bag scared to take it out.

It’s hesitating when someone asks you who you’re taking the pictures for... is his he deployed? You pause and wonder.. can I trust you? No. No. I can’t. We just say we take them because we love Daddy.

It’s hearing your five-year-old grabbing a hat to go outside that has the same badge sewn onto it that your Officer wears and hearing your Officer tell him that he can’t wear it today. It’s hearing the sadness from a child because he doesn’t understand.

It’s watching the news when you know you’re not supposed to... but you do just to have a glimpse of what’s going on.

It’s staring at the ceiling knowing you should go to bed because you still have to get up in the morning to take care of the home and your family.... but your mind won’t stop racing. Your ears won’t stop hearing things.

It’s being on a zoom call with another wife and they hear a strange noise at their home - it’s seeing her face full of fear as you watch her walk around her house wondering if it’s now under attack. It’s thinking do I know her address? What am I about to witness.

It’s being on another call with a friend and hearing a noise outside your door instead...and this time you’re the one searching your home.

It’s not being able to let your guard down and you no longer trust anyone.

It’s being shown how to use the rifle that has always been in the gun safe “just in case”.

It’s finally deciding that you’re tired and you want to go to bed… But realizing you just can’t close your eyes.